In this YouTube video by Surviving Narcissism, Dr. Les Carter reveals the main reason narcissists gain power and control over their victims. It is that the victim is never taught to understand their emotions as children. Dr. Carter calls this “trained incompetence.” Whether neglect happened in the family or in school, victims aren’t prepared for the manipulation and arrogation of narcissism and other dark personality disorders.

The key to breaking free of a narcissist’s control is realizing you’re more competent than you think. Narcissists are the ones with a pathology, so as long as you believe in basic virtues like kindness, open mindedness, and honesty, you don’t need their validation.